How many people can paint a picture in their head by just looking at something? Can you tell a story without drawing it?? Can you draw it without seeing it?
I want to paint you a picture through words. I want to show you through my eyes how my last few months has been through my eyes.
So many of you know by now that I have written a book. This book was quite a journey for me. Be patient and follow along with me.
I had been following a couple of different pages on Facebook for awhile. During that time I was searching for ways to reach out to other people. To put my name out there and see if I could make my passion a reality. In the process I had written notes and created an ebook, but still my reach was pretty small at best. My frustration was mounting and I was unsure of what to do from there.
SO YOUR VISUALIZING TOTAL CHAOS IN MY MIND!! AS AM I!
I searched and prayed for God to show me something, anything, anything at all. I wasn’t seeing a whole lot, in fact nothing, at least in my mind. I continued to search for my direction. I was feeling God’s direction but of course I doubted him. I was still following the same two pages I spoke about earlier when I stopped. I had come across a post about authors and learning to write a book. I paused for a little longer. I read and reread what the post was about. I thought to myself.. is this what God wants me to see?? Why did I stop here?? I’m not a writer. I have no desire to do this. I’ve always thought God has a bit of humor in some instances but this?? Really?? After about 5 minutes I scrolled on. This couldn’t be what he wanted me to do.
SELF DOUBT COUPLED WITH TOTAL CHAOS NOW!! I’M TOTALLY SHAKING MY HEAD!
As I continued to search for outlets and opportunities, I came across a post on “How to write a book” so I left a comment and moved on. I didn’t think anything more about it. I figured if God want something to happen he would show me. Needless to say he did!! The person replied to my comment. Total shock. Is this it?? Is this what God wants me to do??
OK I NOW HAVE MOVED FROM DOUBTING GOD TO “SHOW ME WHAT TO DO NEXT!!
My next step was to create a manuscript and send it to my friends. I am the queen of run on sentences and have no idea when to start a new paragraph!! I stink horribly at punctuation, and I don’t even know where to start. My friend said JUST START!! WRITE!! By now the other lady I have been following is saying the same thing!! So if you’re keeping track I now have 3 people telling to WRITE, God and my 2 new found friends.
WOW IN MY HEART AND MY HEAD THIS STARTING TO POSSIBLY TAKE SHAPE!! Note their is still massive self doubt!!
So I write and write and write some more. I don’t have much for writing skills BUT I was told to JUST WRITE!! And so I wrote!! I wrote from my heart. I wrote what God wanted to write. I finished writing and had my friend proof read it. I finally sent my manuscript to my friends. I had so much anxiety. I knew it was definitely not close to being my best work.
I SENT IT! I WAS GLAD TO BE DONE!! TOO MANY WORDS AND A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF ANXIETY. This is not possible, but I had to believe this is where I was supposed to be! Right where God wanted me.
I Continued to watch and learn and listen to what my friends were saying and doing. I admit I wasn’t sure if they could turn my mess of words into a book. Shoot I wouldn’t blame them if the had sent it back and said they weren’t interested.
TIME HAD PASSED AND I HADN’T REALLY GIVEN IT MUCH THOUGHT. AT THIS POINT I WAS CONTENT. I HAD DONE MY BEST AND NOW GOD definitely needed to give these ladies some serious patience!!
After some time I received an email from my friend saying that I needed to read the first edits to my manuscript. I was shocked. Ok let me see how this looks. I will say I was not surprised. It looked just like my test papers from English class!! Red writing everywhere. No surprise!! I had a going laugh. The lady doing the editing kept changing my son’s name!!! I still have an overwhelmed feeling!! When I’m like this my brain just wants to shutdown.
OK EXIT ALL SELF DOUBT AND BRING IN OVERWHELMED FEELINGS AND EXCITEMENT TOGETHER.
It was at this time I started realizing that this is happening!! God is putting these ladies in my life for a reason. They were starting to make things happen. I was extremely excited. I could smile and felt a since of relief. It’s going to happen!! I have written a book!!
IT WAS HERE THAT I REGRESSED A LOT!! WRITING MY STORY WAS NOT EASY!! I WAS HIGHLY OVERWHELMED AN ANXIETY TOOK OVER!
It was here that I communicated with my now editor and publisher that I needed to step away and BREATHE AND REFOCUS. They were so understanding of this. I needed the break. When I regressed I didn’t talk a lot I would pray. I prayed that God would bring me back to center and make my focus clear again.
GOD IS AMAZING!! He heard my prayers and he brought me back to focus. I am truly blessed to be friends with people who can help me write a book, and build a team in the process.
I went from having 3 or 4 people helping me see my passion come true, to now having more opportunities to share my story!!
You see I can paint a picture of what it looks like in my head, but for me to write it, that is a different story. I get overwhelmed easy, and it’s hard for me to get past it because I let it consume me. I allow it to dampen my excitement. I allow things that I have already worked through trigger me. I have let it change my focus at work.I needed to stop otherwise I would destroy everything I had already accomplished in my career. I needed to breathe and pray!
For many people this seems so logical, but for me it is a “different ability” a different way to process and a interesting way to communicate. I wouldn’t know any other way to handle things. Just know if I’m quiet or distant at times more than likely I’m either overwhelmed or I’m processing, but please don’t hesitate to reach out to me!!
Love you all!!